Mediating Conflict,
Embracing Peace

If your future (divorced) self could speak with you now

It has been said that hindsight is 20/20. And yet, one cannot fully understand life experience until related experience has been lived. There is therefore no way to benefit from hindsight until it is achieved. This can be a maddening reality. After all, it would seemingly make life so much easier if one could benefit from wisdom one attains by experience before one weathers the experience necessary to attain wisdom.

When it comes to divorce, your future self knows best. Your future self knows how to grieve in ways that do not compromise the divorce process. Your future self also knows your missteps and how to avoid them. But you don’t know these things because you have not yet lived through them. Thankfully, others have lived through similar experiences and your attorney has likely advised other clients whose situations are similar to yours. You may not be able to listen to your future self. But you can listen to other wise individuals who have treaded where you have yet to step.

If your future self could speak to you, he or she might give you insights that mirror those that others can provide you with now. This wisdom could certainly come in many forms. But some key lessons would likely involve focusing on self-care, keeping your eye on your future wellbeing and avoiding actions that could ultimately sabotage your divorce process. No matter how much your spouse has hurt you, no revenge is sweeter than a life lived in a healthy, happy way. If you are taking actions right now that could compromise your health and happiness down the line, your future self, your attorney and your loved ones would all likely advise you to change course.

Source: The Huffington Post, “20 Lessons About Divorce I Wish I Could’ve Told the Younger Me,” Dave Heiges, Oct. 17, 2014