Mediating Conflict,
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Post-divorce behaviors that allow for ‘sweet revenge’

We frequently write about how important it is to keep your negative emotions under control while you are navigating your divorce process. But we also stress that it is important to deal with these emotions in healthy ways. Trying to focus your negative emotions in healthy ways can keep them from causing destruction in regards to your divorce settlement and/or your child custody dispute.

In the wake of your decision to divorce, you may be feeling angry or betrayed by your spouse. Sometimes, when individuals are upset in these ways, they are tempted to seek revenge. Seeking revenge may compromise your ability to obtain a fair divorce settlement or a child custody arrangement that works for you and your child. However, you can seek the sweetest kind of “revenge” ultimately by living your post-divorce life well.

If you feel angry or betrayed by your spouse, he or she has likely behaved in ways that make you cringe. Rather than reacting directly to his or her bad behavior, focus on how you can best ensure your personal health and happiness moving forward. Not only does seeking reactionary revenge have the potential to imperil the success of your divorce process, it also sets you up for a future built on bitterness.

If you turn your negative energy into inspiration for a better future, you will have regained the power that your spouse “took” from you by hurting you and temporarily knocking the wind out of you. And in addition, living well will ultimately prove that while your spouse’s behavior may have been unacceptable, it was not powerful enough to keep you down for long.

Source: The Huffington Post, “How to Get the Best Revenge on Your Ex,” Laura Lifshitz, March 17, 2015