Mediating Conflict,
Embracing Peace

(Truly) Putting Your Children First In A Divorce

Anyone who has gone through the divorce process understands how difficult it can be—especially when children are involved. When marriages end, there can be a lot of animosity and anger. Some people apply those feelings toward attacking their spouse through their lawyer. For instance, they may seek custody of their children because it would cause their partner pain. However, this places innocent kids in the middle of marital disagreements. 

On a recent episode of the Akiona Law Podcast, a recently divorced father and former Marine discussed setting those feelings aside to do what is in your child’s best interests”? 

Point #1: Be Your Healthiest 

Your child needs you to be at your best when you are going through an emotionally challenging time. Sacrificing your physical and mental well-being is short-sighted. When you prioritize your sleep, diet, and exercise, you give yourself the ability to be rational, calm, and selfless. If you are mentally healthy, you can respond to your environment and thoughts rather than react to them.

The right mental state allows you to view the situation objectively. For instance, if the thought of your children developing a strong relationship with a future stepparent causes you anxiety, be strong enough to view the situation from a different and reasonable vantage point. Don’t you want your child to be in a loving relationship? Some people want the opposite, so they look like a better parent. An adult who is thinking clearly wouldn’t wish for their children to dislike their new stepparent. Their “gain” is their child’s loss.  

Point #2: Don’t Continue the Fight

Most people don’t spontaneously decide to divorce. It comes from years of feeling unfulfilled. When two people are dissatisfied in a marriage, it leads to tension and arguing. This battle becomes habitual, and it is too easy to allow it to carry over into your divorce process. Fighting won’t make the other side back down; it makes them want to retaliate. When children are involved, you and your spouse must find ways of communicating respectfully. 

Former spouses have found success in simply making small talk about the weather or sports. Eventually, what they discover—and what you will now know—is to decide to break the cycle of negativity. Choosing to engage in semi-meaningless yet polite conversation is exponentially more important than harboring anger and allowing it to be expressed through your interactions with your former spouse. Instead of focusing on significant issues such as custody and alimony, take an active role in finding a minor thing you two still have in common and build on it. 

Speak With a Family Law Attorney Who Understands

At Akiona Law, PLLC, we understand how challenging it is to go through a divorce. Our goal is to help you find the resolution to your legal issues, so you can go back to focusing on your future. We recognize the importance of settling out of court because it gives our clients more say in the outcome. Let us protect your interests, handle disputes, and work towards finding an agreement that fits your family’s needs. Call us at (425) 512-9161 to schedule a consultation.