We frequently write about how important it is to keep your negative emotions under control while you are navigating your divorce process. But we also stress that it is important to deal with these emotions in healthy ways. Trying to focus your negative emotions in healthy ways can keep them from causing destruction in regards to your divorce settlement and/or your child custody dispute.
Following the U.S. Supreme Court's decision in United States v. Windsor numerous states have lost cases where they were defending their bans against same-sex marriage, resulting in a majority of states now allowing same-sex couples to marry. In the wake of such a tidal change in marriage laws, it has been very easy to focus on celebrating those victories for equal rights.
There are likely many reasons why you and your child’s other parent ultimately opted to end your romantic relationship. Bad blood may linger between you. But, for better and for worse, you remain linked by the child that you share. And it may ultimately benefit you and your child if you can move past that bad blood. It may benefit everyone involved in your co-parenting relationship if you and your co-parent make a pact that you will do your best to get along with one another.
Have you ever heard the expression “Should goes with shame”? How about the expression “Shoulda-woulda-coulda”? These expressions serve to ease the minds of individuals whose brains and hearts are constricted with shame and other destructive negative emotions. Not all negative emotions are destructive. Guilt, for example, can be constructive if the guilt in question is legitimate and the individual feeling the guilt learns from whatever experience produced it. However, other negative emotions are destructive. Shame is one of the more destructive emotions that individuals experience.